Lindi, a legal professional, is a caring, hands-on mother. Her intention is clear: to raise her son with love and care. Late one evening, when her three-year-old threw a tantrum, refusing to go to bed and starting to cry, she immediately became hyper-anxious. She started yelling at her son, but caught herself after a few seconds.

This time, something different happened. She paused, took a deep breath, observed the situation with fresh eyes, and noticed what was happening inside her. Instead of reacting automatically, she checked in and realised something powerful: She was linking her son’s tantrum to her failure as a mother.

But the truth is, sometimes children cry, especially when tired, and it has nothing to do with how loving we are.

This shift didn’t happen by accident. It occurred because Lindi had been practising a method called NIS: Notice, Investigate with Curiosity, and Self-Kindness, in coaching.

Here’s how it works:

Without NIS, Lindi’s good intention to be a loving mother could have led her in the opposite direction. Her son’s tears would have triggered feelings of guilt and shame. Shame would have caused her to react, freaking out, losing her temper, pulling away.

The result? Precisely what she didn’t want: disconnection, guilt, and even more self-blame.

Intentions alone do not create the outcomes we want.

When we operate on autopilot, we keep spinning on the same old hamster wheel. Fast, faster, and even faster, but going nowhere slowly.

This is why it matters.

NIS breaks this cycle.

• Noticing stops you mid-spin. It interrupts the old, automatic, default behaviour pattern.
• Investigating with Curiosity helps you access a neutral state that allows you to understand what’s happening in the present moment and on the inside.
• Self-Kindness lets you step off the hamster wheel without beating yourself up.

It’s simple, but it’s not easy.

It takes practice.

It takes willingness to stop and breathe, even ten, a hundred, a thousand times a day, to check in instead of checking out.

Viktor Frankl put it plainly: “Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response.”

Without that pause, we are just reacting, driven by old fears, old stories, and old habits.

Intentions alone don’t create desired outcomes. Mindful choices do.

When we master that pause, we move from intention to deliberate choice.

And that’s where real change begins.

If you’re noticing that you’re working hard but still spinning your wheels, that’s your sign.

Reach out. Our expert Coaches are here to support you. Coaching can help you break the cycle and progress towards a better life.

Let’s join hands and begin developing the practice of self-observation and mindful choice.

You can then pay attention to the positive changes in your life every time you step off your hamster wheel.

Big Love

DepthCoach Alicia